HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
