My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
