If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
