You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
