Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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