can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
