I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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