ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
