Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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