look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
