i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
