I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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