im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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