i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
