it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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