they need to just BURY HIM!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
