just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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