do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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