Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
