Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
