either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
