we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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