Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
