there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
