yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize