I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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