Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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