I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
