I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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