so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
