Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
