i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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