Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
