my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
