Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
