you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
