so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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