Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I got chris browned last night
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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