Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
