my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
