You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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