My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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