just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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