I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
