also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
high people should be assigned attendants
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
