we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
