ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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