and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He felt like a one man threesome
I intend to get homeless drunk
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
