How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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