Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
