The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Terrible idea I love it
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
