My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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