i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
