I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
