it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
