There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
3 2 1 whiskey
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
