Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She is in my trunk
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
