Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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