Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
