i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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