Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i already hear my dad disowning me
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
