she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
