I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize